I have never liked being told what to do.   In fact, I really struggle with it.  I am realizing there are many who feel this way… I am not the minority as I once believed, but the average.  

As I read this morning about how Christ, even though he was perfect and clearly didn’t need to be baptized, did it anyway because His Father asked Him to, it set my mind in motion as to why.  I have a love/hate relationship with the word “why”, it is one of my greatest tormentors, but also the gateway to most of the wisdom I gain.  

I started to ponder Christ, His upbringing, His understanding of who He was, the way He spoke to others, and what would motivate Him to do whatever was asked of Him.  I turned these questions onto myself and pondered on what the differences must be.  

As I reflect on the scriptural accounts of Christ I don’t recall reading about Christ being disappointed in him self, I can’t think of a time when he spoke poorly or with impatience to him self.  I never heard him insinuate that He wasn’t good enough or that He lacked in an understanding of who He was or what His mission was.  

What were the differences in His life circumstances that might have caused these distinct differences? It’s not that there weren’t hardships, violence, evil, jealousy, greed, or the need for survival.  All the horrors we experience today were present in some form in His day, so what was it that caused Him such peace?  

I’m not a scholar by any definition of the word, but from what I do know, Christ spent a lot of time alone.  He spent a lot of time walking, pondering, praying and meditating.  As I reflect on His life and surroundings, He didn’t have much, He wasn’t distracted by material things.  His needs were few and His possessions even fewer.  I don’t recall reading anywhere that Christ had a “to-do list”, nor did He count macros to make sure his body looked a certain way.  He never revealed that he set “new year’s resolutions” or invested in calendars to keep track of His busy schedule.  

To me it just feels like He had plenty of time to Be Still… to FEEL each emotion and recognize what it was teaching Him.  It was quiet enough for Him to hear promptings and to be guided into each day.  It feels like he had enough space and time to breathe expansion and clarity into his body… making room for His enormous spirit.  He experienced freedom within as He placed one foot at a time on the earth, feeling it’s sacred nature, as He moved with integrity in each moment, feeling His way into every day.  He wasn’t caught up in making things look a certain way, He didn’t associate with only those who thought or felt the way He did, He made himself available to all, even the sick.  He paused at the slightest touch of His robe and took the time it needed to bless, heal and feed.  He mourned with those that mourn and loved everyone unconditionally…. INCLUDING HIM SELF. 

THAT’S IT!  HE KNEW WHO HE WAS AND HE LOVED HIM SELF.   He understood and was able to feel the unconditional love of His Father.  In fact, He was so still, and so present in His body, that He was probably able, at all times to stay aligned and connected with His Higher Power… His Father.  Even when others mocked Him, spit on Him, Ridiculed Him and sought to take His life, He remained peaceful, calm, and eager to share all He had, without rush, fear, or panic.  ….. WHY?

Perhaps it is because He felt safe, He felt unconditional love, He felt His feet on the earth, He saw beyond this moment and understood His mission.  He didn’t live in His head, He didn’t assume anything, He didn’t worry about the future or the past, He did experience trauma as many of us do, but he allowed him self to feel all the emotions as they came, to process them, to learn from them, and to let them go.  He did not have fear and anxiety stored in His body, and so, He was able to trust.  He was able to trust because He was able to feel the love of His Father. He was able to feel the love of His Father because He had SPACE AND TIME…. Which is exactly the gift we have all been given because of the worldly events taking place.  

In returning to the original question I asked myself…. “Why do I not like to be told what to do, but Christ had no problem with it?  I conclude in believing that the answer lies in space and time, being still, using my breath to draw in spaciousness in my body so I can create expanse and room for my spirit to be BIG.  If I can stay out of my head and make no assumptions, if I can walk on the earth one step at a time, acknowledging the sacred nature of the earth and everything on it, if I can feel gratitude for each inhale and exhale all false truths, expectations, and fear, I will be able to be grounded, which to me means staying closely aligned and connected to my Father in Heaven.  If I can feel His presence, I will certainly feel His love and if God loves me, then I can rest assured He wants me to love myself. If I love myself, I will feel safe in doing the things He asks of me because I trust that He loves me enough to have my best interest at heart.  If I love myself, I will want to be with myself, I will not fear the emotions I feel and rather than choosing to check out, run, or harm myself, I will turn to my Father and ask for an increased ability to feel His love for me in those moments I feel fear.  

In simple terms…. The reason I have always hated to be told what to do, is because I haven’t always loved myself or known who I am.  Having someone tell me what to do when I don’t love myself is interpreted as “I’m not good enough”, “I’m stupid”, or “you are better than me”.  

Jackie… please remember what you have felt today… you are enough, you are part of the Divine, you are loved unconditionally, you do not have to prove your worth, you are worthy of God’s love and you are worthy of your own love.  While it still does not feel safe to trust others, feel the safety in trusting yourself… be true to you, and please don’t be afraid to feel…. You will miss a gold mine of understanding.