Fallin too fast to prepare for this…. Trippin in this world can be dangerous… everybody circling, it’s vulturous, negative, nepotist…. 

Everybody waiting for the fall of man

Everybody praying for the end of times

I was born to run…

I was born for this….

Whip , whip

Run me like a racehorse

Pull me like a ripcord

Break me down and build me up

whatever it takes

I love the adrenaline in my veins

I love how it feels when I break the chains

It’s a love hate thing…. This life…

I grabbed my buffalo hat, my ear phones, my nikes, my pup and hit the pavement this morning…

I forgot what a good playlist blasting in my ears, the sunshine on my back and the wind in my face will do.  It’s painful and exhilarating all at once.  All nine thousand two hundred and ninety seven thoughts that were swirling around in my mind and stuck inside of me started to get in line and move through my body.  

Sometimes silence is recommended to clear the mind…. And other times a little Imagine Dragons is what it takes….

My lungs felt worked, taxed, but the gratitude I have for them was enough to keep them going.  My legs were a bit heavy but there was so much road out ahead, they longed to push forward.  My heart… that’s when I got tired… when I checked in with my heart… there is a lot stored in there that doesn’t want to come out because that would mean I would have to feel it… heck!… I’d have to acknowledge it.  It’s not real energizing to cry while you run so I’ll take inventory of the heart another day. My feet felt amazing in my Nikes… I highly recommend running without socks!  

As I ran with Zoe on her leash I became frustrated each time she wanted to stop and smell the ….I wish I could say roses, but she actually prefers fire hydrants.  I found myself feeling like I was dragging her and was convinced she was making my run so much more difficult. I decided to let her loose and to trust that she would stay close enough to follow me home. 

“Close enough to follow me home”… I wonder if this is what God hopes for.  I wonder if at times he walks me on a leash as He tries to teach me to “stay close enough to follow Him home”. 

Zoe has a tendency to get distracted easily… by pretty much anything, but especially dog crap, stinky telephone poles, and dead animals.  I decided that if I kept running she would eventually notice how far away I was and sprint toward me to catch up… and she usually did.   However, there were a few times when I had to stop and scream at her… unfortunately, screaming at Zoe doesn’t work…. The only way to get her to come is for me to squat down to her level and find my highest pitched, kindest voice I can muster and call her softly and kindly…. (through gritted teeth of course) until she lifts her head, sees she is falling behind , and heads my way.  We did this over and over. 

We got to a busy road with no sidewalk and she was seeing “squirrels” everywhere…so many distractions.  This was my cue to put the leash back on her, temporarily anyway, just until we got back to where she would be safe. Sometimes she would run ahead and I’d pull her back and other times she would drag behind and I’d have to tug her forward.  

I began to see the way a loving Heavenly Father keeps me close enough to follow Him home.  I started to realize it is me who distances myself from Him.  I started to recognize the times in my life when he was holding me back, as well as the times he was tugging me forward.  

Zoe and I came to a stop light without her leash.  We paused and I pushed the button to change the light… when it was time, we sprinted across the busy street.  I thought to myself… this is similar to what I’ve felt lately… Heavenly Father telling me to slow down, but then all of a sudden saying, “Come on Jackie, lets go, its time to sprint”.  

I also noticed that when Zoe was scared by other dogs or was tired, she would hurry to my side and look to me for safety and love.  Just like I have repeatedly done in my scariest moments with Heavenly Father. 

I want to give up on this life at least once a day.  Sometimes I want to yank that leash out of God’s hand to run and hide…. But just like me…. He knows the route, He knows the hiding places, He knows the dangerous spots, how much farther we have to go to get home, and precisely how long it will take us to get there.  I just need to trust.   (which happens to be my word of the year)

So thank you, Imagine Dragons, for reminding me that “I was born to run, I was born for this” ! I do love the adrenaline in my veins and every time I feel broken down I realize it is building me up… no matter how tired I get,  I’ll do whatever it takes… because I absolutely love how it feels when I break the chains of doubt, of fear, and of any negativity placed in my path…. 

One day I will apologize to Heavenly Father and thank Him for being patient with me while I learn to stay by His side without a leash.