Cancer is a dangerous road. It is not for wimps and not for people with wimpy loved ones. Cancer is unpredictable. It is a teeny tiny cell in the body that grows at a more rapid pace than the other cells. As it grows it mutates and takes over good cells and turns itself into this ridiculously evil presence that somehow, in the shadows of the unseen, spreads and destroys and causes horror.

The effects of cancer are far reaching and know no boundaries, they affect so many in abundance, in a variety of ways. The emotions brought about by cancer are some of the most horrifying, unpredictable and excruciatingly painful emotions I have ever felt. To watch someone you love have to carry that load…. Especially your child, and not be able to take it from them or fix it for them is the most helpless, scary and frustrating feeling in the world.

My dear son, Riley, has carried the burden of cancer for four years, four months, and 28 days. He has beat cancer back twice and is my ultimate hero for the way he has handled and fought the ferocious beast. The refining effects from the weight of this trial have forged and polished incredible qualities in my son. He is the most kind, generous, thoughtful, respectful, honest, and driven person I know. He is the happiest person I’ve ever met. I am not joking when I tell you that this guy gets up every day and radiates nothing but love, happiness and kindness. He brightens my days. I have more respect and love for him than I can put into words.

Riley has had more CT and MRI scans than I can count. He has been poked with more needles and has endured more chemo and radiation than anyone I know. The kind of cancer cells that have resided in his body are Ewings Sarcoma, which is a very rare and aggressive bone cancer found primarily in children up to the age of 26. Once it metastasizes there are very few, if any known survivors.

I have seen more miracles than most in my life. I KNOW GOD LIVES AND I KNOW HE IS VERY INVOLVED IN THE DETAILS OF OUR LIVES. I see it every single day.

My experience in watching my sweet son carry this burden that I freaking hate has taught me so much but I’ll tell you that it is something you NEVER get used to, you NEVER know how to feel, respond or act, and you NEVER stop thinking and worrying about it. There are days when you are blessed with peace and there are days when distractions minimize the weight of the ferocious and enormous beast that stares you down, but it never goes away.

Every three months for four years, four months and 28 days, Riley goes in for scans to get the score on who’s taking the lead in this battle.

Each time the scans draw near it is GUT WRENCHING to wake up each day and move forward through each moment. Walking up the four flights of stairs to oncology at Primary Childrens Hospital is like walking to the top of a building where you know you have to jump…. Not knowing what is below or if you will be caught or fall to your death.

When every doctor you’ve seen has told you the odds, the statistics and brutal reality about who wins this fight… I think there is some mechanism inside of me that wants to protect me from this nightmare and helps me not have to feel it to the extent that I so frequently have. Each time I’ve tried to guess what will be revealed at an upcoming scan I am wrong. There is no success in predicting or guessing. As this ongoing, nauseating and sickening experience has continued, I think I have felt like I just needed to succumb to Gods will in order to lessen the blow of whatever the outcome may be.

BUT TODAY…. I FEEL DIFFERENT…. I FEEL STRONGLY THAT I WANT A MIRACLE AND THAT I NEED TO HAVE FAITH IN A MIRACLE. I know God listens to my prayers. I bore witness to Him answering my son, Levi’s, prayers as he begged God to bless his brother Riley as he showed his willingness to serve a mission and to spread his love of the Savior with the world. I was there when the Dr. explained that the tumor that was anticipated to grow…. HAD SHRUNK. It was a miracle. AND I FEEL STRONGLY THAT IT IS A RIGHTEOUS AND VERY POSSIBLE DESIRE FOR ME TO ASK FOR ANOTHER MIRACLE….. IN FACT, I FEEL VERY STRONGLY THAT WITH ENOUGH FAITH FROM ALL PARTIES….. I KNOW THAT IF IT IS GODS WILL, HE CAN CURE RILEY OF THIS INCURABLE DISEASE.

Riley has scans in three days. I feel inspired to ask anyone and everyone to join me in fasting and praying for Riley’s cancer to be taken from his body if it be God’s will and to bless him with a long and healthy life. I’ve never done this before. It is a scary request and I would not do it if I didn’t feel like I was being prompted to do so.

So…. My plea is this…. Who ever you are, what ever God or higher power you worship, will you please ask for a miracle for my son and join your faith with mine in believing that a God of miracles exists today and if it is in the best interest of Riley and is inline with his mission, if it is God’s will, that God will take cancer from his body.

I am full of gratitude for my children. They are the most choice gifts I’ve been given. They are divine spirits who have wisdom and power and are noble beyond imagination. I am grateful for my knowledge of God, my Heavenly Father and of His holy and humble Son, who gave his life for me… Jesus Christ, my Savior and the Redeemer of this world, and I am grateful for each of you. Thank you for your love and prayers.