I am in a place of observance. I am desperately trying to observe without judgement, my life and where I currently sit. I feel intense sadness. I feel helpless. I feel as though cancer has robbed my son, myself and my family of SO much. Often times as I look around me it feels like everyone’s lives are going on and mine seems to be frozen in a state of torment. I know this is not truth. I can feel truth in my body and it is evil that wants me to believe I am helpless, that I am defeated.
I am surrounded by beautiful people whom I learn from everyday, I have an incredible nephew and a beautiful niece who fight on the front lines of drug addiction and I watch on as they never give up. I see the sadness of their families but also the intense love which is offered. I see their families desperately wanting to help them and save them but the only thing they can truly do is to love them.
I visited with a dear friend whos son was taken in a tragic car accident. I see her sadness and feelings of defeat, but I see her example of turning to the Savior for peace and her understanding that her son is in a better place. She could not save him, but her love for him will never waiver.
I watched the sadness in the eyes of a dear friend whos child is suffering from depression. She desperately wants to help him, she would do anything for him, anything. But in the end, the only thing she can do is love him.
I listened to a client cry this week as she expressed her sadness over her son who is devastated, divorced, lonely, depressed, and continues to find himself in the psych unit just barely hanging on. As his mother she would do anything to take this from him, but all she can do is love him.
I watch my aging parents and feel their frustration. I see the desire of my siblings to help them and to make their lives happier, but in the end it is up to my parents to choose happiness in their situation. All we can do is love them.
I could go on. Everywhere I look people are feeling defeated. We live in a world of divorce, disease, depression, disasters…. and I hear people curse God, (I’ve done it myself) when things become less than desirable, but why is that? Is it God who caused these things? That does not feel like truth to me. To me, the truth is that God created us perfectly and gave us a perfect world. WE are the ones who have distorted and mutated its goodness.
I love this quote from Wonder Woman…
”I used to want to save the world. To end war and bring peace to mankind. But then, I glimpsed the darkness that lives within their light. I learned that inside every one of them, there will always be both. The choice each must make for themselves – something no hero will ever defeat. I’ve touched the darkness that lives in between the light. Seen the worst of this world, and the best. Seen the terrible things men do to each other in the name of hatred, and the lengths they’ll go to for love. Now I know. Only love can save this world. So I stay. I fight, and I give… for the world I know can be. This is my mission, now. Forever.”
I desperately wish I could end war and bring peace. I speak of the war between good and evil, but I am being taught that I can only change what takes place within me. I can only speak, act and think from a place of love. I cannot force others to choose good over evil. I cannot single handedly combat and over take evil… or I would. I would give my life if I could take the hurt and pain I see in others… but I cannot. However, there is someone who has already done this for us and if we will use His gift, He will take all of our burdens from us. “ Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give ye rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. “ (Matthew 11: 28-30)
When we feel all alone, as though we are sitting by ourselves, observing, I am reminded by this painting that hangs in my bedroom, that I am not alone, but that the Savior is holding us… we as humans are just unable to feel him at times. In those times when I’m unable to feel Him, I will do as Wonder Woman does… I will stay, I will fight, and I will give.